Yep, It's Definitely Mercury's Fault

Hey did you hear? Mercury is in retrograde. Ohhhh. So that explains why I can't get any work done today. Or why my computer is acting slowly. Or why I have time to even write this. Clearly, any problem I have is due to Mercury being in retrograde.

So... When the fuck isn't Mercury in retrograde, anyway? For a week in the Spring when the flowers start to bloom? Then it gets hot and muggy... must be Mercury!

Here's a tip to ward off people who give more importance to planets then to humans:

When you see a Astriopath sizing you up, judging your every-last attribute, lips trembling in eager anticipation for asking you, "What is your sign?" Clearly this person already has you pegged into one sign or another, and man are they sure.

When this happens, simply tell the Astriopath this:

"If you can tell me what sign I am in three guesses, we'll keep talking. If you don't guess in three tries, you have to give up on Astrology altogether."

No better way to get an Astriopath to shrivel into a tiny, scared, submissive fool than this.

Man does MY EGO just love making people feel like that!!

mIe