Friday, August 29, 2008

Barack Obama: The Tiger Woods of Michael Jordan

As evidenced by last night's sweeping oratory in front of 85,000 screaming fans, it has never been more clear that in the context of Michael Jordan, no one is more Tiger Woods-like than Barack Obama.

Obama was swooshing rhetorical three-pointers with the ease, grace and intensity of Woods staring down a putt on the 72 hole at the Masters. The ultimate test of true greatness is how a Michael Jordan steps up to the line in moments of the highest pressure; Obama once again proved that such high-pressure situations are where he shines most, as he and the Democrats won the playoffs, now invigorated for the Finals in November.

"We haven't seen a Michael Jordan give a speech like this since my big brother nailed that half-court, at-the-buzzer allegory at the LA Coliseum in 1960," said a tearful Senator (D) Ted Kennedy shortly after the speech.

It goes without saying that Obama's moment in Denver was one that shatters all prior precedent for a Michael Jordan, by showcasing the junior senator's ability to unify his team by opening the evening by passing the ball to his own Scotty Pippen, senator Hillary Rodam Clinton, who led the team to the final game of the series after a career performance of her own on Tuesday.

Despite the glowing reviews and mind-numbing post-game assessments of the mainstream media, the McCain team dismissed Obama's Tiger Woodsness as a thin, plastic facade that is not ready to lead the nation in a time of war. "After the Nike endorsements, the celebrity parties and rock-star performances, there isn't much about Obama's Michael Jordan that can even compare to Tiger Woods," said McCain chief of staff Mark Salter.

The Republican playoffs end next week, where McCain is the odds-on favorite to take the crown as the Ben Hogan of Bob Pettit.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Why There is No Hope For America, in Three Easy Links

Dear All with IQ's above 100,

Get your passports ready...

First this.

Then this..

And, finally, this...