Tuesday, April 29, 2008

What if?

Just what if??

There was no what???

Then _________????

Monday, April 28, 2008

It Ain't Easy Being Elitist

Let's face it. We elitists are having a really hard time as of late defending the honor and ceaseless reverence we so deserve.

Do you think it's easy having to drive a Prius around all day? Always being in fear of running over innocent blind people because our cars are so whisper quiet as compared with your rusty old Ford truck? So you have John Melloncamp singing this is your country, well that's just great. My Ego has arrived to tell you this is certainly NOT your country, Christian ideologues.

Look, middle America--Whole Foods ain't cheap, but who would you ever look up to if it weren't for us? My Ego has never heard of a rich, elite celebrity dreaming to be an obese employee of Wallmart, have you? And, have you ever even tried a latte? Let My Ego tell you: they're truly delicious. Especially with shade grown beans, ground and roasted fresh with a dash of soy milk, and served in a bio-degradable cup.

Let me make My Ego clear: this country was founded upon, developed by, and lead by elitists since day one. It's perfectly understood that those of you stuck between the US coasts feel compelled to take claim to being the only "real" Americans, but we won't let your jealousy and simple-minded projections stop us from continuing the work that makes you love/hate us so deeply.

Don't worry, despite the fact that you continue to look down on (a hard thing to do from below, agreed) us, we'll still make your movies, influence your culture, design your clothes, produce the music you love, and continue to further the internet and media tools that make your life worth living. Don't hate us because we're reducing our carbon footprint while make your second trip today to McDonald's in your gas guzzling SUV.

It's time to take a stand, elitists. We can not let this discrimination continue any longer, and must fight back against the fat slobs who are trying to take credit for being more patriotic and more American than we are.

Elitists love America, too. The difference is we can use our college (masters, even) education to logically prove so... if you could only understand what logic is and why we need it.